We’ve celebrated another 4th of July, another Independence Day, here in the good ole U.S. of A. I’m reminded that it was just about a year ago that I began to fully awaken to a bigger picture and what that might mean for all of us. A bigger picture of peak oil, continued environmental destruction, irreversible climate change, the collapse of industrial civilization. Patriarchial structures, forms and systems are disintegrating. We’re being de-illusioned and some are more prepared than others.
The anxiety I feel at times is unbearable, the dread and despair palpable, the fear a living thing. I never reached the assurance of the spiritually delusional although I must admit to trying. My higher power is a fierce goddess who allows no shrinking from painful realities; she is the dark mother and she knows that to be transformed one must first go through the fire.
Yesterday was hard for me because I no longer overly identify with being American. I don’t feel like celebrating an empire that committed genocide to take the land, that has deforested and dammed and laid waste and continues to act stupidly in the face of global warming and ecocide. An empire that fights false wars under false pretenses, an empire in which the few are filthy rich and the many are struggling to stay afloat. An empire that will stop at nothing to exploit every last resource down to the last drop of clean water, the last ancient tree, the last salmon, the last wage slave.
It’s difficult, to say the least, to navigate in a culture committed to maintaining the status quo, a culture that admits no wrong and still wants to grow, grow, grow when it’s become obvious to a lot of us that growth is about done on this planet. People look at me funny when I say our way of life is over, that right now is as good as it’s going to get, when I ask them to store food or start a garden. They don’t want to hear it.
People want to debate with me about GMO’s and I’m not interested in debating. There are enough people with enough opinions and I struggle to write here because I don’t want to be just another person spouting their opinion, but I guess that’s what I am. They tell me GMO’s will feed the starving people, they will lessen herbicide use, they will save the world. Bullshit.
They tell me to lighten up, go to church, read something uplifting. On good days the anxiety feels more like excitement and I feel I was born for these times. I think there’s a job for me, but I’m not clear what it is. So I keep reading and learning; I don’t flinch; I don’t look away. I form visions of how we will get through this and I hold them.
But right now? It ain’t looking too good.